


Forever Indebted

by reylo_trashh



Category: Star Wars
Genre: A few nameless original characters, Ben has PTSD, F/M, Poe and Finn are like a married couple, Rey is longing for ben, The Force Is Weird, desert life sucks, finn is a bit of an ass
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-29
Updated: 2020-01-30
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:48:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 12,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22018894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reylo_trashh/pseuds/reylo_trashh
Summary: “Who are you?” The elderly woman asked standing beyond Rey’s reach.“I’m Rey.” She replied with dignity.The wrinkles on the woman’s face contorted, “Rey who?”•This is set post TROS, my fixit
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 23
Kudos: 106





	1. belonging

"Who are you?" The elderly woman asked standing beyond Rey's reach.

"I'm Rey." She replied with dignity.

The wrinkles on the woman's face contorted, "Rey who?"

Blinking in response, words she wasn't quite sure of stuck in the back of her throat. This is the question Rey has been asking herself for countless stary nights in various parts of her ever changing universe. For so long she's always just been Rey; nothing more, nothing less, but now, now it's all changed. 

After that dreaded night all those weeks ago she's been battling with herself. The thought never straying far from her over stimulated mind. Palpatine, Skywalker, Palpatine, Skywalker, Palpatine... Nobody. She tried not to dwell on the weight of those names but now the thoughts swirl through her head. 

Palpatine; the evil, vicious, murderous Sith Lord. Bound to bring ultimate destruction to the galaxy, wiping away civilisations faster than anyone or anything ever had before. Palpatine; a will to bring ultimate darkness to the galaxy. 

Skywalker; the keepers of The Force, Jedi legends bound for greatness. Though with such heavy standards and high expectations the Skywalkers are known to crack under pressure, exposing a thousand little cracks of naivety. Skywalker; a will to bring ultimate light to the galaxy. 

Nobody; familiar, easy, simple. Everything Rey knew and was comfortable with before rescuing that little ball of beeps. A simpler time, an easier time. She knew her place, she knew her role, she knew her future. Nobody: a will to live an absolute transparent life. 

Kicking the sand around her feet, Rey looked up to find the woman still standing there with a look she can only describe as wistful. A look that she saw multiple times on General Organa's face. 

"I'm nobody." Rey finally managed to let out. The dryness in her mouth causing her response to escape roughly. The woman didn't move a pace, only stared deeper at Rey. 

"Nobody is nobody dear. Even deep down you know who you are. Dig that little bit deeper, there you will find yourself." 

As if on queue Rey was swallowed by her conscious, pulling her into the depths of her own mind. She searched high and low, turning over rocks to unveil some of her most suppressed memories. 

The first one was of a time when she was younger, maybe 14, on Jakku. She was scavenging on a far away star destroyer that had already been picked to pieces by scavengers before her. Trying desperately to pull a part from an entanglement of wires Rey had failed to notice the presence of life behind her. In one swift move she reached for her quarterstaff, whipping it around and knocking her opponent off their feet. Their fight flashed quickly through Reys mind as if trying to avoid a crucial part. Though Reys wish wasn't granted and she had to watch over and over again as her opponents life left his body. A boy not much older than she was, one of the few other humans she had seen on Jakku her whole life. That day she would never forget, the boys lifeless body still engraved into her mind. 

Moving to another rock in desperate search of something better she was relieved to stumble across a bittersweet memory. The first time she met the General, their heartfelt embrace as they mourned the death of Han Solo. Unwilling to delve deeper Rey moved onto another. 

Her favourite yet most hated memory of all. She remembers every tiny detail of it, like how the faint ray of moonlight flickered, how the strands of hair felt under her palms, the creases next to their eyes as they let out a long suppressed smile, the twinkle of their teeth in the light, their hand on her neck, her hand on their cheek, his lips on her lips, their souls together as one. 

Rey snapped out of her memories, warm and wet tears flowing freely down her cheeks. She reached her hand out as if to bring him with her but there was nothing to grasp. 

In a choked out cry she looked at the woman. 

"I'm Rey. Rey Solo." 

With a fulfilled smile the woman nodded at Rey, disappearing into thin air.


	2. could’ve been

Rey stood still, in complete shock. The old lady was there and then she wasn’t, vanished into thin air as if she was never there at all. Though the woman wasn’t familiar, Rey hadn’t seen her in the short time she was on this desert planet. 

Rey knew of late Jedis who could project themselves to the living world, showing their presence to other force sensitives, yet this was different. She felt her presence, she felt the living force of another human being who had been standing a few strides away from her.

Unable to plant a reason on the matter Rey did what she had been doing since arriving on Tatooine, taking in the baron surroundings. Nothing but sand and dunes for as far as the eye could see. 

While she understood the appeal of Jakku, she saw not a single thing that would influence someone to live on yet another sand heap in the forgotten reaches of the Outer Rim. Unlike Tatooine, Jakku was a prime spot for junk traders and scavengers, fallen ships lay scattered all over the planet, ruins of the war against the empire. TIE fighters, X-wings, star destroyers, you name it and it has probably crashed on Jakku.

Tatooine was formerly run by the Hutts, but after the Skywalkers rid Jabba and his scum from the galaxy it was believed that things would remain peaceful on this planet for years to come. Though as Jedi often are, they were naïve to believe this false truth. The well-established Ankor gang were quick to pounce on the perfect opportunity of fresh meat. Since then Tatooine has been in just as much strife and chaos as it was all those years ago under the Hutts.

Before she left for Tatooine Rey had heard the Generals scheming a plan to overrun the Ankor gang. Finn and Poe were like yin and yang as Generals. Finn was diplomatic and wanted to try the gentle approach yet Poe wanted to play bad cop, going in guns blazing like the trigger happy man he is. Rey remembers the silent bickering between them, raising eyebrows and rolling eyes during one another’s plan debriefs. Thankfully though the two men had entrusted the guidance of the smallest human on base, Rose. Rey is forever grateful that the boys had Rose, always guiding them to a common ground on whatever issue stands between them. 

Rey and Rose had an instant connection, like long lost friends who understood each other perfectly. Able to read any emotion on each other’s face. Rose was great, always willing to see the best in people. Quickly the happiness of this memory was overridden by a burning hole in her heart. Rose would’ve loved Ben, she would’ve tried so hard to get that man to trust her and would show him that she didn’t see him as Kylo Ren anymore. A compassionate trait Rey thinks neither Finn or Poe would’ve had towards the man who owns her heart and soul.

Tenderness turned into absolute agony. Like a million laser blasts in her heart.

“We could’ve been everything. We could’ve had the world, everything at our fingertips. The possibilities were endless. A dyad in the force, two as one. Ben Solo and Rey Solo.” Rey sat down, pulling her knees up to her chest for the umpteenth time since Exegol, silent tears streaming down her face. So accustomed to the feeling she needn’t bother wiping them away.

She thought this would get easier, accepting the terms that Ben was gone. That he was in a better place revelling in quiet where the thoughts in his head were dimmed. With his mother by his side, loving him as much as the day he was born. But Rey couldn’t help but feel selfish.

He could be here, he could’ve been happy here. He could have discovered all the love in the world here. He could have healed here. He should be here. With her. He needs to be here with her. She wanted to cry and kick and scream, she would do anything to bring him back, anything.

Though there was no one here to help her do that. All the jedi are gone, all the sith are gone, every single thing in the galaxy that could help her are gone and she has no idea what to do with that. 

A crackle rumbled through Reys mind, sounding almost like a broken laugh. Shooting up, swinging her head from side to side as she tried to find the source of that sound she was unsuccessful. There was no one around.

“I never said I was alive.” The voice cackled, “and who says there is no one who can help you?” A heinous snicker shot through her mind, terrifying her more than anything ever had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys I’ll be aiming to update this at least once a week. Thanks so much for engaging with this :)


	3. just a dream

Shivers ran through Reys body as if she was constantly being shocked, for the last few hours all she could hear was that snicker in her mind. Despite BB-8’s concerned beeps Rey let herself sink into the worn in mattress letting her thoughts consume her into a hellish sleep.  
  


_“Ben? Ben where are you?” Rey called out frantically for her other half. “Ben please come back, I’m scared.” Her desperate calls quickly faded into a broken plea._

_Trekking over what seemed like the millionth sand dune in hopeless search for Ben, Rey halted at the top. The endless dunes of the bright hot desert quickly desiccated into cold darkness. She knew where she was, she had been here every night since that day._

_“Please, please not tonight,” Rey screamed into the darkness, “I CAN’T DO IT ANYMORE! I-I I can’t watch him die again, I just can’t.”_

_“And what if tonight is different?” That evil voice mumbled lowly, “what if tonight you could save him.” Rey knew she was dreaming, she knew this was just a memory playing as she slept but this voice, this voice was speaking to her. To awake and conscious Rey through the weakened mind of sleeping Rey._

_“Who are you?” Rey choked out to the voice in her head, “how are you talking to me, I don’t understand.”_

_“You know who I am, I’m the only person you’ve ever known. I know your every strength, I know your every weakness. I know everything there is to know about Rey Palpatine. Granddaughter of the greatest ruler this galaxy has ever seen.” She flinched away, taken aback by the use of that name._

_“Do. Not. Call. Me. That. Ever. Again.” Rey spat back, her voice laced with utter disgust and resentment. “I will NEVER be a Palpatine. I will NEVER be what that monster was!” Her shoulders moved up and down firmly, as if she was trying to calm herself._

_“Good good, let the anger flow through you. Let it take over, you have no idea how much power you are capable of possessing. The blood that runs through your veins, let is consume you. Become one with yourself and join me.”_

_Rey ignited her lightsabre, swinging it wildly at nothing. Doing anything she could to make that voice shut up. “Get out of my head!” She warned viciously through gritted teeth. Focused eyes roamed through her dark surroundings._

_“I’m afraid I can’t do that. You see this is where I belong. I have always been here, laying dormant in your mind until a moment came where I know you will not be able to say no to me.” Rey cannot see the face that belongs to this voice but she can imagine what they look like. Deformed, pale and sickly. The appearance often reflective of the mind._

_“I will never want anything from you. There is nothing you could ever give me!’ words spitting out like fire, Rey was determined to silence this voice forever._

_“But there is something you want. Something you crave so desperately, someone you crave so desperately. I can give them to you, I can bring him back to you.” Rey felt their invincible hand on her face, like their evil fingers were working their way into her mind._

“ENOUGH!” Rey screamed, shooting up though refusing to open her eyes. “It was just a dream. It was just a dream. It was just a dream.” Rey repeated these words until she was confident that it indeed was all a dream and that there was not an evil voice consuming her mind.

Careful not to shock her senses, Rey was slow to allow her eyes to open. Taking a moment to adjust to the darkness of her adopted inground home, there was a faint yellow light omitting from an unknown source. Rey stood up, expecting to be welcomed by the solid ground beneath her feet, instead she was met by soft cool sand on the exposed soles of her feet.

Crinkling her eyebrows together, Rey looked down. Almost in an instant her eyes shot wider than she ever knew they could. She sucked in a short confused breath. There in her hand was her lightsabre, ignited as if she had just participated in a battle.

That’s when it hit her. With a panicked tone her words shot out fast, “It wasn’t a dream.”

“That is correct Rey Palpatine.” The voice shook through her head, laughter booming off the sides of her brain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I’m aiming for Monday and Thursday updates. Thought they might be a bit over the place during the start of the year. 
> 
> Thank you for reading!!


	4. bonded as one

A week had passed since her last interaction with the voice in her head. Rey finally had some uninterrupted thoughts. This past week has been rather busy for the ex-scavenger. She’d put her skills to the test and found an old speeder, with nothing better to do with her time, Rey took it upon herself to see if she could make it work again. 

It was a heap of junk, probably from before the times of the empire. She couldn’t imagine the last time this speeder ran. Rey had been avoiding going into the town since she arrived on Tatooine, not wanting to deal with the endless stares and quiet conversation about the girl living at the abandoned Skywalker home.

She donned a large hooded poncho looking item of clothing to protect her face from the sun and also the wondering eyes. She moved about the town as if she knew where she was going, not wanting to ask anyone for directions. Turning corners and slipping down alleyways until she came across what looked like a junk shop, to her relief it was run by droids. Rey wasn’t ready for one on one contact with people.

Listing off the items she required the droids were quick to gather supplies. The currency used on Tatooine was Peggat though she knew credits were still accepted at a higher cost. Rey handed over the amount of credits required for the parts she needed. Gathering them into a sack she found on the falcon she was quick to scurry away, not wanting to endure more conversation then needed. 

Weaving her way back through the alleyways, Rey came out at what you would call the ‘busy’ part of town. Creatures of different species roamed around talking amongst one another, the odd human in amongst the crowds. Quietly slipping through a group of 3 people Rey came to a halt when she caught some words of their conversation. 

“The gang is just getting worse.” One man said under his breath, “They captured the family who live by me because they had no Peggat to surrender in the raids. No ones seen them since.” Rey listened a little while longer picking up information that could be valuable to Poe and the resistance.

She was quick to dash away before people starting thinking of her as suspicious. After the long gruelling walk back to the homestead Rey quickly made her way into the falcon. Slumping down on the captains seat in the cockpit she set all the details to get in contact with the resistance. It didn’t take long until they made contact with her.

“REYYYYYYYY!!” Poe, Rose and Finn all greeted her with beaming smiles. “Keeping your desert tan I see.” Rose joked along, Rey couldn’t help the little chuckled that escaped her lips.

“What’s taken you so long to get in contact, we’ve missed these chats. Is there something wrong with your transmitter?” Poe sounded like a concerned parents whose first born had recently moved out.

“It’s okay Poe, its working fine. I’ve missed talking to you guys as well, I’ve just been a little preoccupied since getting here.” It wasn’t a total lie but it sounds better then _‘Hey guys, sorry I’ve been m.i.a. I’ve been having nightmares every night, losing control, crying a lot oh and there’s this evil voice that keeps speaking to me’_ but these are things no one needs to know.

“Preoccupied on that awful planet, what could you possibly be busy with?” Finn was always harsh towards desert planets, never understanding their appeal.

“Well because you asked, I found an old speeder so I’m trying to rebuild it. It’s probably a good 50 years old so its proving difficult. Actually its why I got in contact with you guys.” Rey said to the holograms.

“You want us to send you parts or something?” Poe asked sounding a little confused.

“No actually I think I have all the parts I need. I was in town and heard a conversation amongst some locals. They were saying the Ankor gang has worsened here, tightening their grip over the civilians. One man mentioned they’ve been capturing people who haven’t been surrendering money during raids. I- I think its time the resistance stepped in and brought some peace and stability to the planet.” Rey would hate to see this planet desiccated into nothing by these gangsters.

“Do you have any suggestions on how we could try negotiate with these criminals?” Rose asked, hoping Rey would have some tips.

“Do you think these criminals would be willing to negotiate?!” Finn snapped, “No way! Our best bet is to take them all out at once, fire on their base so there is no chance anyone would survive.” Rey couldn’t believe she heard those words come out of Finns mouth.

She was dumbstruck, shaking her head she responded to that terrible idea. “Finn that’s a terrible idea! Their ‘base’ in located right in the centre of town. You have no idea how many innocent people you would kill in the process. Are you even thinking straight?”

“Are you even thinking straight?” Finn spat back, “We’ve needed your help here but no you had to go ‘take some time for yourself’! Do you even know how selfish that is? We lost so many resistance troops that day, did you see us running away after it was over. You should’ve been happy, Kylo Ren was killed that day. The galaxy was free of his grip-“

This pushed Rey over the edge. “How dare you! How dare you compare the lose of some people you didn’t even know to the loss I faced. Troops are replaceable, Ben isn’t!”

“Oh come on Rey, do you really believe he would ever be Ben Solo again. That thing was evil and he deserved to die after everything he had done.” Finn couldn’t believe how delusional Rey was being.

“That ‘thing’ was my other half. Our lifeforces bonded as one. A power like life itself. I loved Ben Solo and I would kill you if it meant he was here with me.” The words came out like venom, Rey couldn’t control them.

Everyone’s eyes snapped open in complete disbelief at what they just heard. Finn looked like he’d just been stabbed in the back, in a way he had been. In that moment Rey had no idea what had overcome her.

“Finn… I-I’m so sorr-“ the transmission cut off before she could finish what she was saying. Rising slowly from the chair, Rey stumbled out of the falcon back towards the underground home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapters a little bit longer than previous ones. Hope y’all like it!


	5. goodbye buddy

*2 days later*  
Going back into town was a mission itself, Rey had no motivation to walk all that way just for a couple parts, get stared at, then walk all the way back. Though she knew that she needed to do it, she needed to occupy her time or she would just continue on a downward spiral.

Mustering up all the motivation she could find she trampled up the stairs and into the burning sun, throwing on the poncho to protect her already sun scathed skin. BB-8 was insistent that Rey took him with her, apparently droids can get stir crazy too. He argued with her in various tones of beeps until she gave in.

Whirling around in circles a few times the droid couldn’t contain its excitement. He let out an alarmed beep once he realised Rey was a good amount of distance in from of him. Catching up in no time, Rey looked down at the ball, she was certain that if he were human he’d be gasping for breath after covering that distance.

The remainder of the walk was just as Rey expected, long and hot. She’d thought that after living on Jakku her whole life that Tatooine would be a breeze, but that second sun made it that much hotter than she was used to. Following the same path she took last time she had arrived at that same droid run scrap shop. BB-8 let out happy beeps, always excited to see other droids. Unlike BB-8 these droids didn’t have as much of a personality as the ball did.

Rey couldn’t help but feel bad. It was like the young child who the big kids didn’t want to play with. Handing over credits again and receiving her parts, Rey called for BB-8. He was beeping something to her that she translated as “did they have to be so mean?” Rey let out a little chuckle at her round friend. Making their way back through the town Rey was alarmed when BB-8 shot off suddenly.

Desperately running after him, Rey came to a halt as she saw the commotion up ahead. BB-8 was no where to be seen, but she knew where the droid was when the heard the yell of a familiar pilot. As if on queue Poe came flying out of the building, thrown out my an unknown face. Rose and Lieutenant Connix came out shortly after with their hands up not wanting the same treatment as Poe.

“Stay off our planet Rebel scum!” Rey heard a voice shout from the inside.

She hurriedly ran up to them, “Guys what are you doing here? Are you all okay?.

“Yea were okay, just a few bruises I think,” Lieutenant Connix let out in a bit of an annoyed voice, “We came to negotiate terms of them releasing their hold over the planet and returning the civilians they’ve taken. Safe to say they did not take kindly to our intrusion. Though that could’ve been worse, were all still alive and standing which is a relief.”

Rey really liked the Lieutenant, she reminded her so much of General Organa. “I’m glad you’re all safe, though you probably won’t be while you’re still hanging around the middle of town. We can go back to the homestead if you’d like? You would be safer there.” She was hesitant with them, unsure of what they would think of her after the revelation she made the other day.

“We’d love to Rey. Thank you.” Rose offered a soft smile as if showing Rey that they were okay. “Is it far? We have a couple speeders we took to get here from the capital.”

“It’s a fair distance and honestly I think BB-8 would prefer travelling like the privileged droid he was raised as.” Rey let out a little laugh as she looked down at the droid.

“Hey! He’s a vital part of this organisation, I didn’t want him to exert himself so he’s lived a lavish life.” Poe told Rey in an almost fatherly tone, his mouth failing to hide the smile he was holding in. They all laughed together after that, before deciding to make their way to the homestead.

“So what happened back there with the gang?” Rey piped up once they were inside.

The three resistance heroes shared a strange glance. “They refused our terms and well you saw the rest.” She could tell they were keeping something from her. She didn’t bother prying, something told her that they weren’t particularly happy with the terms they presented.

Poe quickly changed the conversation, asking Rey how she’d been taking care of his droid. Rey slumped a little in her chair, she hadn’t been looking after him at all. Often leaving him alone as she was working through her problems.

“I-I haven’t been. Poe I’m so sorry but I want you to take him back. There is nothing here for him and I’ve been horrible at looking after him. I know he’d be happier with his ‘Dad’, and doing something useful with you guys.” Rey couldn’t help but feel sad.

“Rey no, I want you to keep him here with you. I know he loves your company.” Poe was trying to convince her to keep him. BB-8 even beeped up that he liked being with her.

Rey crouched down to the little ball. “I enjoy your company too BB-8 but I want you to be somewhere happy with Poe and Finn. I’m no fun here.” BB-8 let out a sad beep and Rey never thought she could be so emotional over a droid.

“Goodbye buddy, enjoying being with Poe again. I’ll see you again soon don’t worry, I’m not saying goodbye forever.” Rey said this to BB-8 but she knew the others knew she was also speaking to them. Rising from the ground she gave them all heartfelt hugs.

“Stay in touch okay? Don’t be such as stranger.” Poe mumbled in the hug.

“Poe,” Rey called out as they turned to walk back to their speeders, “please tell Finn I’m truly sorry. I’m just going through a few things I can’t explain to myself let alone anyone else.” Poe gave her a genuine smile, nodding his head sincerely.

She watched them zoom off in a cloud of dust and sand. Rey was getting better at goodbyes and she didn’t know if this was a good thing or a bad thing. She’s never felt as out of touch with her emotions as she has these past 3 months.

She knew she should be in total control of her emotions, that letting herself be out of control doesn’t typically have a good ending. She remembers General Organa telling her to try and meditate when she’s feeling lost and out of control. The sun was setting, omitting the calmest array of colours in the sky. She was so use to the bright orange sunsets but this one had soft shades of blue, purple and pinks.

Sitting right where she was standing, Rey let the calm take over. “Be with me,” she spoke softly, “Be with me. Be with me. Be with me.” Saying this enough works her into an almost trance like state. She hears the distant voices of the Jedi before her.

“Ben. Where’s Ben? Is he there?” Rey waited a few seconds. “Why is Ben gone?”

“No one’s ever really gone.” The faint sound of Master Skywalkers words echoed around her head.

“If no one’s ever really gone where is Ben? I can’t reach him.” Rey heard her voice crack in her throat.

“No one’s ever really gone.” Master Skywalker said again and again and again until Rey snapped.  
Shooting up Rey ignited her lightsaber, she knows this isn’t how she should deal with her emotions but it was the only way she knew right now. Swinging vigorously, left, right, plunging forward. It helped but it didn’t fulfill her rage and sadness. She took to a nearby moisture vaporator, swinging violently. The metal was hard to strike through, enraging Rey even more.

“Where’s Ben! Where’s Ben! Where’s Ben! WHERE’S BEN!!” She screamed with one last blow, the voporator slicing right in two. The scream was so harsh Rey was sure she would have a shaky voice for days to come.

Unwilling to hold it back anymore Rey crumpled onto the ground. Tears flowing so fast she couldn’t see her fingers in front of her face. She cried until her eyes were dry and her sobs were silent. Leaving her the most vulnerable she’d been in a long time.

“You miss me little Palpatine?” the voice was back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There’s going to be multiple updates this week, hope you’re keen!! Also please, please, pleasseee leave comments so I know how you’re liking/disliking this so far!


	6. forever indebted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The chapter some of y’all have been waiting for!!

“You miss me little Palpatine?” the voice was back.  
\--  
This was the last thing Rey needed right now. The judgement and scrutiny of the voice in her head. “Get out of my head.” She seethed through gritted teeth. “I don’t need this right now.”

“Apparently you do, cause in case you haven’t realised I come to you when you’re most vulnerable. So clearly you need me, whether you want me or not.” Rey turned her head away, not wanting to acknowledge the voice.

“Rey, I know you better than anyone and I know what you need. You need to say it out loud. You need to confess how alone and heartbroken you are. There is no point bottling it up, it’ll make you explode one day. Well maybe it already has. I know what you said to your stormtrooper friend. I know how you felt no remorse in the moment but now the guilt of it is tearing you apart. Let it out.” Rey could be mistaken but she swore she felt the empathy from that voice.

She knows she shouldn’t but she doesn’t have too much of a choice. The voice is right, bottling this all up is destroying her. So much weight is on her shoulders and she doesn’t know how to disperse it. If she doesn’t figure it out soon she’s worried it’ll crush her.

“I’m so lonely. Its not just the fact I’ve distanced myself from my friends and sent BB-8 back but I’ve always been alone. It’s all I’ve ever known. Before meeting Finn I was alone, before joining the resistance I was alone. But this, this is a whole other feeling. It was like for 5 seconds I had everything I wanted then in an instant it was ripped from my hands, taking my heart with it and stabbing a million holes in it.” Rey couldn’t stop herself from unloading.

“When I was a child my parents left me on Jakku, I know now that they did that to protect me but that sense of abandonment has never healed. When Han died it was like being abandoned again, I know I only knew him for such a short amount of time but I couldn’t help but feel abandoned again. Then Leia died. Then… then Ben died.” Rey’s voice dropped.

“It’s like the universe is on a permanent mission my make sure I’m never happy. I become one half of a dyad, bonded through the force to another. Share some experiences I never thought I would with this person. I loathed him a little more than a year ago but we shared so much together. Then he became the Supreme Leader and I tried to hate him, I tried so hard but I couldn’t. I knew Ben Solo was still there and I was right. Ben Solo came back, in all his glory. He was presented to me in the purest light, finally free from a lifetime of manipulation and pain. But he wasn’t allowed to be happy either.” She hung her head low.

“I just wish I had the chance to love Ben Solo for all he was. I wanted to help him heal and to help him discover himself. To be with my dyad, my literal other half and not be alone anymore.” A single tear slipped down her cheek.

“I’ve told you this before and I’ll tell you it again. I can bring him back. Not as a force ghost or as a fragment of you memory but as a living, breathing human being.” The voice reminded Rey of it’s unheard of power.

“How can I trust you? How do I know you’ll actually bring him back?” Rey wanted so badly to say yes but she was so sceptical.

“You can’t. You can’t trust someone you think you don’t know.” The voice replied to Rey’s concern.

She fought an internal battle, weighing up her options. Her need for Ben outweighed the rational thoughts Master Skywalker said a jedi should have. She knows that if she chooses to have him back that she is succumbing to that ‘dark side’ but she can’t live without him. She cant be alone the rest of her life. “Do it. Bring Ben back.”

“There is something you need to know. If I do this for you, if I bring Ben Solo back you will be forever indebted to me. When the time comes you won’t have a choice to say no to my proposition. Are you ready to live with that consequence? Is living with knowing you’re forever indebted to me better than living a long, lonely life without Ben Solo.” She was given a choice by this voice, something she wasn’t expecting. All she did was nod, knowing they could see her.

“Wait. Who are you? Who does the voice in my head belong to?” She was so curious, she wants Ben back but she’s scared of trusting someone she doesn’t know so willingly.

“You know who I am, you’ve always known who I am. You just don’t want to admit it to yourself. I’m the only person you’ve ever known. I know your every strength, I know your every weakness. I know everything there is to know about you. I know what makes your heart race, I know what makes your heart stop. I know your largest dreams, I know your largest fears. I am your biggest ally, I am your biggest enemy. I am your closest friend, I am your greatest nightmare. Rey. I’m you.”

That’s when she saw her, just like on Kef Bir. Though this time it did not scare her nearly as much as it did last time. She hates to admit it but she is now more familiar with this part of herself than she had ever been before. The uncontrolled emotions, the rage, the sadness, everything she knows is capable of pushing someone to the dark side.

She nodded at the almost holographic person in from of her. “Bring him back. It’s worth the consequences.”

She sees an almost devilish smile form of the voices face, or should she say her face. “As you wish.” Just like that she’s gone. Vanished into thin air, exactly like that old lady all those weeks ago. Rey ponders the connection. Could that have been who she thinks. Is that even possible. What if that old lady wasn’t in fact an old lady. What if it was a vision, a vision of herself if she made the wrong decision. If she chose to be ‘Nobody”.

Rey snapped out of her thought, feeling a shift in the force. Like someone was here. Then she felt it, that familiar pull. She knew that feeling, she knew who generated that feeling in her. She sprinted in the direction it felt strongest, tripping multiple times on the unstable ground. The darkness made it hard to see but she believed the force would light her way.

She stopped at the top of a sand dune when the pull snapped away, like it was never there at all. Rey couldn’t believe it, she let herself believe that he was actually there. She was lied to, she was played. Rey was about to collapse in defeat but she swore she saw a faint shadow ahead of her. Though she pushed it aside, as if was part of her imagination. Like the soft touch on her face was part of her imagination and the gentle pull under her chin urging her to look up was part of her imagination.

She granted her mind the satisfaction to know it was all in her imagination, looking up to prove there was nothing there. Instead she was greeted with deep pools of black, where the moonlight swam delicately around. It was her imagination. Those eyes were real, that hand under her chin was real. The black hair that stopped just below his ears was real. He was real.

Rey took a step back, taking it all in. The largest smile cascaded across her face and the purest tears welled in her eyes. “Ben?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We’re you expecting that person to be behind the voice?? Let me know!


	7. you’re not alone

Plummeting into the open arms in front of her, Rey was engulfed in a fiery hug. Neither one of them able to get close enough to the other. She reached up, placing her hands on either side of his soft face. “You’re here. You’re actually here!”

Bens smile was larger than hers, his eyes almost crinkling shut. “I’m here. I’m actually here.” He dipped down, wrapping his arms around her waist to pull her closer. He pulled her into a tender kiss, he couldn’t help the smile that got larger as he felt Rey’s own smile match his.

Breaking away from the kiss, they stood there in each other’s arms until they lost track of time. Enjoying the company of one another. “Ben do you want to go back to the homestead?” Rey asked to her other half, suddenly feeling shy around him.

“I’d love to.” Ben planted a kiss on her forehead, sensing her coyness. “Rey, where are we anyway? I know it’s a desert planet but I can’t see enough to decipher which one.” 

Rey tensed slightly, knowing his family history on this planet. She wasn’t sure of how he would take it. She dropped her head slightly, in attempted to avert his gaze from her eyes. “Uhm, were on Tatooine.” She felt him tense next to her. She knew there would always be unresolved feelings there, for his family.

“Ben, I’m really sorry. I didn’t know where else to go after you were gone. Nothing felt right so I came here.” She felt so guilty. Just the history of this place could cut deeper wounds, one that had never started healing.

“Rey it’s okay. You didn’t know I’d come back. I didn’t know I would back. Please don’t feel guilty. Having you with me I know I can start it. The healing process.” Ben took her hand in his, meaning for it to comfort her but really it was for him.

They made it back to the homestead in a short time, Ben had never been here but he knew this was where Luke was raised. “Rey I don’t think I can go in there yet. There is still too much anger in me and I don’t want to say or do anything I will regret. Can we stay out here for a little bit?” She could sense his hesitation. “I haven’t had much of a chance to be on a planet and admire the stars. Would you care to join me?”

Rey felt that little flutter in her heart, Ben Solo was soft and caring. She knew it all this time. “I’d love to.” Rey plopped down on the ground right next to him, slightly flinching when he pulled her down to lay with him.

After a few peaceful moments, Rey gazed up at Ben. There were tears welling in the corners of his eyes, threatening to spill. He could feel his eyes on her. “When I was little, maybe 7, I would lay on top of my father’s ship while him and chewie were working on it. It seemed like they would find something to ‘fix’ every night, though I knew my dad just wanted to do something besides lounging around with my mother, talking about something he didn’t really care for. I remember just lying there, watching ships come and go, analysing all the constellations I could see. I remember thinking to myself that it would be so much better to have someone up there with me, even if it was just in silence.” Bens words trickled out, getting lost in the memory.

“What if I told you we could do that, right now.” Rey felt a little spark, knowing she could grant him a childhood wish if he was willing.

“Isn’t that what were doing? Laying here, watching the universe do its thing.” Ben was slightly confused at what Rey said.

“I mean we can do it exactly like your childhood. We can lay there, on the top of your fathers ship.” Ben sat up, his eyes reflected an emotion Rey couldn’t decipher. Shock? Sadness? Fear? Maybe all of them.

She stood up, grabbing his hand. Tugging slightly until he rose from the ground to join her. Walking in the opposite direction they just came from, Ben came to a halt. So many memories flashing through his mind, some decades old and some so fresh they felt days old. He remembers the Battle of Crait. He remembers ordering for it to the blown out of the sky.

“Too much?” Rey questioned with a soft, one sided smile. He only answered with a shake of his head. Even though he knew where to go he let Rey lead the way. Her hand never left his and he was thankful for that quiet reassurance. Rey popped up the little hatch with Ben right at her tail. He grabbed her hand again, now leading her to the perfect spot.

He was a fair bit taller than he used to be but he still made it work, though it was slightly awkward on his head. Rey was quick to nuzzle into his side. “This is a nice change, not being alone.” This was such a foreign feeling for Ben.

“I know the feeling.” She sighed into his side. Both of them so unfamiliar with the feeling of being with someone. They sat in a comfortable silence, taking in each other’s presence .

“My parents were some of the most well known people in this galaxy. Following the fall of the empire they met more people than they ever had, making friends and allies in every corner of the galaxy. When the Princess of Alderaan and famous Rebellion General, Han Solo, announced the birth of their first child, a son, people came from all over the galaxy to offer their well wishes and meet the small black haired child. I grew up surrounded by people, but I’ve always been alone.”

“I still remember my mother leaving on diplomatic missions, she would take me sometimes but the older I got and the more unsettled I became she would leave me at home. I remember growing up and seeing my parents drifting further and further apart. My mother was born for being a commanding figure, and my father had grown all too familiar with the rush of being a smuggler. They loved me I know, but they weren’t ready to be parents. It became so clear when they sent me off to Luke. It was like they had enough of me, like I was just a burden to them and their lives. A little boy in the way of their missions. I felt so abandoned.” Ben stopped talking, the emotions rushing up, bringing tears to his eyes.

“Remember in the cave? When you told me I wasn’t alone. Well neither are you Ben, not anymore. Not for as long as I’m here.” Rey sat up, planting a hand over his heart, “Not for as long as I’m a part of your future. We may not be able to change the past but we sure can have a say in the future. So what does the future have in store for us, Ben Solo?” Rey asked to her other half.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bens back :’)


	8. you are not your family

“So what does the future have in store for us, Ben Solo?” Rey asked to her other half.

—

“Naboo. That’s what the future holds for us Rey. Well I mean if that’s what you want.” Ben was so conscious of her feelings, not pushing her to do something or go somewhere she doesn’t want to.

“I have no idea what or where Naboo is. Is it a ceremony? A planet? Or just a saying I don’t understand.” Rey let out a little chuckle, she knows so little about the galaxy she lives in.

“It’s a planet.” Ben let out a little laugh, “In the mid-rim. It’s so beautiful.” He stopped talking, Rey could tell there was something he wanted to say but was unsure of. “It was where my Grandmother was from. She was their Queen for a period of time before she became the Senator.” Ben had a fond smile on his face, having not thought of that for a very long time.

“Did… Did you know her? Your grandmother.” Rey was hesitant, she didn’t want to pry any further than he was willing to talk.

“No, I never knew my grandmother. Though it’s said she was the most beautiful person in this galaxy, both physically and emotionally. ” Ben was quick to halt the conversation after that, careful not to hurt Rey’s feelings at his abrupt halt he reached out for her hand. She understood that he was not ready disclose that information. She rubbed his hand, reassuring him that it was okay and that she would listen when he was ready.

“So Naboo huh? When shall we leave Ben Solo?.” Rey always said his name with a smile, never getting enough of it. Ben liked the reminder of how happy it made her to say those 2 words that clearly mean more to them than they know.

“Well, My Lady. If you don’t have any plans or cute boys to see than we can leave whenever you’re ready.” Ben Solo, being sarcastic? He’s just like his father.

Rey put a hand over her heart, faking shock. “I am offended Mr Solo. The only cute boy I’ll be seeing happens to be standing directly in front of me.”

“Where is he? I might need to have a word to this supposed ‘cute boy’.” Ben looked around dramatically as if trying to find this mystery person.

“Oh stop it you dork.” Rey couldn’t help the giggles that over come her, “I’m ready to leave when you are.” Ben wrapped her in his arms, planting a kiss on the top of her head.

They climbed down from the top of the falcon. Ben waited for her by ramp into the falcon as she retrieved the limited items she had with her. In no time he could see her silhouette forming as she walked towards him. Carrying a couple bags over her shoulders, Ben took them from her and followed her into the ship for the second time tonight.

He zipped through the ship so fast earlier tonight, not having time to absorb his surroundings. Now he had all the time in the world. He ran his hands along the walls, feeling every crack and crevice. Remembering as a child how he would hide things in hidden cracks and would see how long it would take his dad to find them, Ben laughed at this. He had to satisfy his mind and check all the hiding spaces, to his disappointment they were all empty.

Ben hadn’t even noticed that they were already travelling through lightspeed. He walked into the cockpit, looking all around at the glowing lights then down to the beautiful woman sitting in the captains seat. He looked at her in quiet adoration, this woman already knew him so well.

“Hey kid,” Ben said as he took the seat next to her, “thanks for knowing.”

Though he was vague, Rey knew what he meant. “It’s not a problem. I figured you might need some time.” She placed her hand over his, “All good?”

Ben nodded, holding her hand a little tighter. The calm, cool and quiet atmosphere alerted the two of their growing tiredness. Rey pressed a few buttons, setting the falcon to auto-pilot so they could rest in a more comfortable place. Rey took Bens hand in hers, “Come on, we need rest. It’s been a crazy day.”

The pair gathered what blankets they could find and snuggled up around the table, eating the flavourless portions that are stashed on the falcon. They were both used to eating for purpose rather than pleasure so the bland, texture less food didn’t bother them greatly.

Ben let out a heavy sigh next to Rey. Just as he went to speak he pondered if he was ready to talk about this. Drawing in a deep breath, he began. “She died giving birth to my mother and Luke, she lost the will to live and couldn’t survive the physical and emotional turmoil of her husband turning to the dark side. Darth Vader.” Ben paused for a moment, “Anakin, Anakin Skywalker was his name. It was said that he was the chosen one, that he would destroy the sith, bring balance to the force, not leave it in darkness. But he craved power too much, joining the sith. All out of love and fear.”

Rey gazed up at him with a confused look. “My grandmother, Padmé Amidala, was pregnant with twins, Luke and Leia. Anakin saw a vision of her dying in childbirth, he turned to Master Yoda for help, he was told the Jedi could not change the inevitable. Anakin wouldn’t accept this as an answer, he turned to Emperor Palpatine who was posing as a New Republic Chancellor. Palpatine told him that he could show Anakin how to save Padmé’s life. He was desperate and quickly succumbed to the dark side.”

Ben paused for a moment taking in a shaky breath, “He was unable to save Padmé’s life, breaking her heart and destroying her will to live when he pledged his allegiance to the dark side. Vaders children were split up and hidden from him. Leia was adopted by a senator, Bail Organa, and his wife who had always wanted a child. Leia grew up on Alderran as a Princess. Luke on the other hand was given to his aunt and uncle on Tatooine and was raised to be a farmer. They both grew up unaware they had a sibling, a twin to be specific. The events of the great war between the empire and the rebellion saw the two of them united, along with a smuggler, Han Solo.” Ben had a few stray tears trickle down his face at the memory of his family.

“I didn’t ever want to be like my Grandfather, I grew up wanting to be the opposite of him. But life changes, people change and influences can be very powerful. I became the one thing I didn’t want to be Rey. I became Darth Vader. I am my family.” Ben put his head in his hands, sitting forward to lean his elbows on the table.

Rey put her hand on the nape of his neck, motioning his face to the right so their eyes could meet. “Ben Solo. You were not Vader. You will never be Vader. You are not your family. You are Ben Solo, your own person with your own path. I love you Ben Solo, you.” The smile on his face was one of pure admiration, “Neither are you Rey. I-I love you too.”


	9. I do

Rey and Ben spent the rest of the trip entwined in each others arms, exchanging stories of their childhood. Such as little games they would play alone in the absence of company and siblings. Rey had always wanted a little brother or sister, though she wouldn’t wish the burden of her childhood onto another. Before they left her on Jakku she would constantly beg for a sibling, looking back at it now she’s so grateful they never fulfilled her wish. She couldn’t imagine how different her life as a scavenger would’ve been if she had to look after a toddler. Being unable to work for portions, they probably would’ve died in that old AT-AT, not to be discovered for potentially years.

Ben told Rey that he also wished for a sibling. To have someone to play with and keep him company that wasn’t a nanny or a droid. Ben was in the same boat as Rey, as much as he wanted a sibling he wouldn’t want them to experience the same things he did. He thinks that maybe if his parents had another baby that they would focus more on family, but then again what if they didn’t. What if they treated their second child with as much disregard as they did with Ben.

They were surprised with how much they had in common. Both children of abandonment, having to raise themselves, were ‘shipped away’ when they became too much of a threat. The list goes on. They sit in a comfortable silence for a few minutes. Rey pondered what Ben had told her earlier, about his grandfather and his demise. She played a particular part over and over in her head. Anakin believed that succumbing to the dark side would grant him the ability to save people and bring them back. This reminded Rey of a certain voice in her head.

“Ben, earlier you said that Anakin joined the dark side because he believed he could save Padmé. Do the sith harness the power to bring people back from death?” Rey was particularly curious about this topic.

Ben was quiet for a moment. “Well it was believed that only the sith could bring people back from death. I’m not sure how true that statement is anymore though. Rey, when I climbed out of the pit on Exegol I remember seeing your lifeless body just laying in a faint ray of light. I was in so much pain but the pain of my physical injuries was nothing compared to the pain of seeing you there lifeless. When I reached you. I pulled you into my chest, desperate for you to wake up. Then I remembered when you killed Kylo Ren, how you healed the lightsabre wound as well as the countless scars on my body. I channelled all the energy I could find. Some feeling of anger and despair but mainly I though about how much I loved you. How desperate I was to have you there in front of me, alive and breathing. What I’m trying to say is, I don’t believe having the power of darkness grants us the ability to bring back people. I think the power of pure love, compassion and selflessness gives us the power.”

Rey was in extremely deep thought. She had no idea what this meant and she was more confused now than she was before she asked the question. Rey believed that only the sith could harness the power of resurrection, that made sense to her. What Ben said also made sense to her. Who is she kidding, none of this made sense to her. A dimmed voice in her head brought back the man sitting right next to her. Rey was so tuned out that she didn’t even realise she had moved out of the warm hold of Ben’s arms, resting her elbows on the table.

“Rey. Rey are you okay? What’s wrong? Rey? Please talk to me.” Bens voice became clearer as Rey came back to herself. Unsure of where she’d been wandering.

“Huh?” She asked shaking her head, realising that came out harsher than intended she quickly apologised. “I’m so sorry. I have no idea what just happened, my mind just went for a wander on its own I suppose. Sorry again.” Rey felt a shy blush creep across her cheeks.

“It’s okay.” Ben tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “Where were you baby? You phased out.” Bens eyes projected a pure look of concern.

“I-I’m not sure. I just kinda spaced out. I was thinking about how you came back and how it happened.” Rey did not want to bring it up and she just did accidentally.

“Speaking of it. How did you bring me back?” Ben genuinely needed to know. He would be lying to say the question hadn’t been nagging him since he came back. Rey opened her mouth, stuttering over a few syllables but not actually forming a real world. To her luck the Falcon shot out of hyperspace.

They rushed back to the cockpit, Ben began the landing sequence. Rey sat in the co-pilot seat, taking in this breathtaking planet. She could imagine her face mirrored the one she made when seeing Takodana for the first time. Unlike Takodana, that was dense forestry, Naboo was different. There were glistening lakes everywhere, rolling green hills were not in short supply.

Ben looked at her in awe, if this was her reaction to Naboo he couldn’t wait to take her to all the beautiful planets in the universe. “It’s so beautiful Ben. I couldn’t imagine ever leaving this place.”

“Then we won’t.” Ben couldn’t keep the smile off his face, “Let’s stay here. Together. On this planet.”

Rey turned her head to the man sitting beside her in the captains seat. Taking his hand in hers she squeezed it, planning a kiss on the outside of his hand. “You’d really do that? For me?” Rey had never felt so appreciated before, had never been in a position where she had a choice of where she was and how long she would be somewhere. “I’ve lived such a sheltered life. I think Naboo is a good place to start.”

Ben smiled, planting a kiss on the top of her head. “I want to take you to every beautiful place in this ever changing universe. I want to see your eyes light up every time we go somewhere new. I want to be with you when you experience all these new things. What do you say kid? Do you want to travel to every beautiful place with me?”

“I do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eek!!


	10. I’m so lucky I get to love you

Ben approached a small clearing away from the city, landing in a grassy field near a remote property. The Falcon touched down, shaking a little on the uneven ground. Ben took Reys hand in his and lead her to the ramp, bringing them out onto the vast green field. There was a house in the distance, overlooking a moonlit lake. The darkness dimmed the vibrancy of the area but Rey could tell how stunning it was.

Rey and Ben walked away from the Falcon, weaving their way through an overgrown path. They came to a halt at the front of a beautiful stone house. Ben let go of Reys arm and approached the door, he pushed a few buttons and the automatic door slid up. Rey looked on with wide eyes, “Ben! What’re you doing? You can’t just barge into someone’s house.”

Ben laughed at her unease and continued into the house. “Rey, come in.” He laughed while extending his hand. She approached wearily, looking down at the cobbled path that leads to the door. “Ben I really don’t think we should go in there. It doesn’t feel right entering someone else home without them being here or inviting us.”

“Well lucky for you we’re not intruding. Leia inherited this home from my grandmother and now it seems I’ve inherited it from Leia. So, come in. Please.” Ben extended his hand and she happily took it stepping into the building. She felt her jaw drop, polished marble extended along the floor and up the walls. The interior was extremely spacious and styled perfectly.

Rey watched as the tall man walk the length of the house, floor to ceiling doors lined the marble wall down the left side. Ben pushed the sheer white curtains to the side and started opening all the doors. The doors lead out onto a balcony that wrapped around to the back of the building, overlooking the lake. A cool breeze blew the curtains into the room, Rey giggled as she was entangled in one.

Untwining herself from the curtain she saw Ben standing at the door furthest from her, staring at her. Leaning against the cool marble she met his adoring eyes, he cocked his head to the side as the smile on his face grew larger. Ben couldn’t believe the woman in front of him, she was leaning against the marble, hand on her hip and a look in her eyes that screamed love. The moonlight shone beautifully on her face, Ben felt his heart melt.

He walked forward, stopping directly in front of the angle before him. “You’re so beautiful.” Ben breathed out while reaching a hand up to her cheek, she leant in to his warm palm closing her eyes at his touch. “I’m so lucky I get to love you Rey.

Rey stood on her tip toes, kissing him softly, not wanting to rush this moment. He snaked his arms around her waist, picking her up, her legs wrapping around his torso. Their kiss was oozing with intimacy, not lust. They weren’t rushing to rip each other’s clothes off, they were surrendering to their love for one another. Ben started walking during the kiss, startling Rey causing her to pull away. She rested her head in the crook of his neck. “I’m so lucky I get to love you too Ben.”

_Rey and Ben were swimming in the lake, splashing each other and delivering playful kisses to each other’s faces. “Come on, I brought a picnic for us.” Ben scooped up the small woman and carried her over his shoulder. Rey couldn’t contain her laughter. Ben joined in as he plopped her down on a blanket he had laid out earlier. He wrapped a towel around her shoulders before grabbing one for himself._

_Rey was staring out at the lake, watching as the sun cast shades for pink and burnt orange across the sky. “It’s so beautiful Ben. I cannot thank you enough for bringing me here.” Rey waited for him to reply but nothing came. She turned her head to the right expecting to see him there but he was gone. She jumped up, frantically looking around for him._

_“Ben? Ben where are you?” Rey ran into the nearby forest, desperately searching for him. “Where are you?! BEN! BEN!” She yelled out into the empty forest, hearing animals scatter at her yells. A cloaked figure stood out in front of Rey causing her to let out a startled sound. Their red lightsaber reflected off the surfaces around them, illuminating their faces. “Remember Palpatine, forever indebted.”_

__Rey shot awake, drawing in a large breath, startling Ben in the process. He shot up next to Rey. “Ben?” She placed a hand on his shoulder, he jumped up, pulling Reys lightsaber to him, igniting it. Rey looked up in fear, meeting the eyes of Kylo Ren. He took a step forward, tightening his grip on the holster of the saber. He raised it a little higher, getting ready to strike. Tears welled in Reys eyes, “Ben?” she said softly. “Ben it’s okay. You won’t hurt me. It’s okay.” She reached out again, this time placing her hand over the hand gripping the lightsaber. “It’s okay. I’m here.”_ _

__His eyes softened almost instantly. He looked down at the ignited yellow lightsaber then back to Rey, there were still traces of tears in her eyes. Ben drew in a breath, dropping the saber and stumbling back. Looking at his now empty hands, shaking from the thought of what he could’ve done. His eyes flicked back and forth until he felt a hand in his._ _

__She didn’t say anything , only pulled him back to the bed. Snuggling up to him, laying her head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat and feeling the steady rise and fall of his chest. Their hands were still entwined and she gently caressed her thumb over his. Their silence acting as a conversation, both knowing they shouldn’t talk about it right now. Ben dozed off for some much needed sleep after the various events of the night but Rey couldn’t quiet her mind enough to fall asleep._ _

__She played the events from the night over in her head. How Ben carried her into the bedroom, how he’d been so gently, how she kept giggling because she seemed to be ticklish everywhere, how they looked at each other with so much love. Then her nightmare, reminding her of the life debt she committed to. Then Bens moment. She wasn’t sure of what happen or what caused it but she knew he was just as scared as she was._ _

__Glancing up at the peaceful face above her, Rey planted a soft kiss on his chest, “I love you Ben Solo. Nothing will ever change that. We’re together now, not alone anymore.”_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Early update cause y’all have been so nice and amazing!! I appreciate every single read, comment and kudo ❤️


	11. don’t tempt me again

Ben woke up with a weight on his chest, he panicked slightly until he saw where the weight was coming from. The brown haired angel curled up against his side, face directly on his chest, right hand resting over his heart. Ben took in every inch of her, the way her hair fell, single strands tickling her face. How her nose scrunched up, how her eyebrows slightly twitched as his finger traced them. He watched her soft pink lips as they inhaled and exhaled. He watched her eyelashes flutter as she opened her eyes at his gentle touch.

“Good morning angel.” Ben let out as his hand ran through her hair. Rey closed her eyes at his touch, snuggling in closer to him. She turned herself onto her stomach, resting her chin on an open palm. She knew she had to ask him about what happened last night but she just wanted to revel in this moment a little longer.

Rey was tangled up in the sheets, her clothes still strewn across the room from the nights activities. “Ben, last night was…” Rey felt him draw in a sharp breath, “amazing. It was everything I could have wished for. I will never forget it, I’m so glad I get to share this memory with you forever.” Rey entwined her fingers into his.

“But last night I… Rey I could have killed you. I remember the look in your eyes when I had your lightsaber aimed at you, I remember every feeling.” Ben looked at the woman next to him with so much remorse and fear in his eyes. Rey sat up, taking his face in her hands.

“Ben we need to talk about last night. I need to know what happened, what you were going through. I want to be able to help you if that ever happened again.” Rey loved the man in front of her so much that it pained her to see him deal with this alone. “Please Ben, I felt so defenceless not being able to help you.”

“I don’t sleep well. Ever since that night at the Jedi Academy. When I was awoken by the sound of a lightsaber igniting. When I saw the face of the man who was meant to protect me, my uncle looking down at me with this saber in hand.” Ben looked distant for a moment. “When Snoke was training me as his apprentice he used to force me to watch it over and over again. There were times when he would lock me in a dark room, or leave me in a forest defenceless. He would wait until I was asleep then he would strike. He believed that making me live my fear over and over would force me to overcome it.”

Rey held his hands in hers, squeezing them when he was tensing up. “So many times I’d be woken up to near death situations, having to protect myself while defeating the threat. Last night was one of those moments.” Ben paused, tears welling in his eyes, “You were the threat. I could have killed you Rey.”

She propped herself up onto her knees, grabbing his face prompting him to look at her. “No you couldn’t have. You would never hurt me Ben. Last night I saw the fearful eyes of Kylo Ren, not the soft eyes of Ben Solo and that is okay. You were Kylo for a large part of your life, so much of your training and experiences come from being Kylo. I do not expect you to completely kill and erase every aspect of that part of your life, I can’t expect that because it’s not possible. We can’t always be good, we can’t always be bad. There is darkness inside each and everyone of us, we are all capable of doing terrible things but we’re also capable of doing amazing things.”

Ben was still unsure, “What if I become Kylo again?”

“Ben. Kylo will always be part of you, just as Ben was always part of Kylo. It is nothing to be afraid of, I will always be with you.” Rey did all she could to help him feel reassured. She planted a soft kiss to his cheek, feeling his smile rise at the contact. He nuzzled his face into the crook of her neck, enjoying this interaction. 

Rey hopped out of bed with a sheet still wrapped around her, hiding the absence of clothing. She extended a hand for Ben. “Come on, lets eat.”

He climbed out behind her, taking her hand but tugging her another way. “Shower first.” He told her with a smirk on his face. Her face flushed red at his comment, but she excitedly ran after him with a giggle escaping her lips.

She couldn’t get enough of this man. He was like a god, tall and chiselled, carved from the very marble in this house. With a towel wrapped low around his hips, Ben carried Rey out of the bathroom, gently tossing her on their unmade bed. Everything about her was enticing him in, the water droplets lingering on her body, the devilish look in her eye. She reached a hand to his towel, tugging on it slightly, he caught it before it fell.

“No no no baby, don’t tempt me again. I’ve already eaten,” he said with a wink, “but you my lady, need to indulge in the foods Naboo has to offer.” Ben went off to the walk-in wardrobe, leaving Rey to regather herself. To Rey’s disapproval he came back with clothing on. A semi tight pair of black pants and a looser fitting navy blue top tucked in, a pair of boots completed the outfit. Ben pulled out a blaster holster from behind his back with a little chuckle, “I think this closet was my parents. Here I got you a few options.”

He passed her a small pile of clothing, the first item was a semi-formal light blue gown. Rey thought it was gorgeous but impractical. She has lived her whole life in pants so dresses were foreign territory to her. She opted for outfit number 2, a pair of off white leggings and a short sleeved tan top that reached to almost mid-thigh. Comfy and practical, just how clothes should be. 

Rey followed Ben out into the main living area of the house, it was just as beautiful now as it was last night. The ceilings were high, allowing light to bounce off the marble interior. The living area was larger than any place Rey has ever lived in her life, sitting areas were bountiful and there was no shortage of priceless décor. She watched as the tall man whipped up enough food to feed a village, plenty of fresh fruits and ingredients Rey had never seen before.

She devoured the flavourful spread, letting every taste linger on her tongue. “Ben this is amazing! I don’t think I’ve ever eaten so much!” Rey let out as she bit into another fruit, the juice dribbling down her chin. Ben reached over, wiping the juice off her chin with his thumb, sticking it in his mouth after. Rey definitely didn’t miss the wink her shot her, “No no no baby, don’t tempt me again,” she repeated what he told her earlier in the bedroom with a smirk plastered across her face.

“But you look so delicious baby, how can I resist you?” He scooted towards her, catching her lips with his before she could talk. Ben stood up, Rey wrapped her legs around him in the process. She felt the cold stone on her back as she was bumped into the counter, Ben lifted her a little higher sitting her on the counter, giving him better access to her. He trailed his lips down to her neck, nibbling on her sweet spot. Rey sucked in a sharp breath, throwing her head back.

Ben laughed against her skin, placing a soft kiss over the sensitive spot before pulling away, hopping her off the counter in the process. Rey lips let out the perfect pout, pulling on Bens heartstrings. “Later baby, I promise. First I want you to see the lake, I think you’ll love it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys I apologise in advance if this chapter is a bit all over the place. I usually get my mum to proofread but for obvious reasons I didn’t get her to go over this one 🤣
> 
> Also I want to clear up all the different spelling I use for ‘lightsaber’. I’m Australian so our spelling rules are a little different, for example  
> Center (US English)  
> Centre (AUS English) 
> 
> Any time it’s spelt ‘lightsabRE’ it is the fault of auto correct, sorry for that!


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